Sometimes a Fly on the Wall

Sometimes a Fly on the Wall

My eyes wander

My ears do not hear

Though the thundering

Of piano keys ring

in this sanctuary of no fear.

            You know how someone will come up to you while you are musing about deep philosophical questions, saying, “I wish I was a fly on the wall.” Always referring to a meeting, a room of potential zombies, or a coffee house filled with devotees clutching their steaming cups of lattes gossiping about just about anything. The meaning behind the saying is a crazy desire to share in the drama of someone’s joy, tragedies, or circumstances that probably has no real meaning to them. 

            I believe that we all have the ability or aptitude to be sometimes a fly on the wall in spirit but really why? As I sit here in this church sanctuary I am a fly on the wall as I sit quietly in a fairly comfortable folding chair listening to someone playing the grand piano just around the corner hidden from my view.  Earlier, I peeked to see a woman with long grey hair intent on her music, I remained hidden content to listen and watch the light play in concert through the stained glass windows as the rain storms come and go allowing a brief blending of light and music in the sanctuary.  I hold my breath and exhale softly as the notes gather strength in my spinal cord expanding my heart and soul. The hidden artist stops and goes on the piano keys seeking perfection in the phrases, the crescendos and various runs of her music. She stops, turning a page and I remain quiet unwilling to break the trance of the music, I am an unknown listener who chanced to stop by a door to enter a haven of notes floating on air that break on the walls, seeping out under the doors, and vibrating the windows while another rain storm beats on the same windows creating a accent to the music being played.

            She stops again, whistling, adjusting her sheets of music before resting her fingers upon the keyboard to begin playing again.  Crescendos, soft notes intermingle with strength despite the turning of a page. Once again when it is quiet I am here, sitting afraid to rustle my paper as I write attempting to remain the fly on the wall.  Silent, out of sight while my mind breaths with the music.  

            Perhaps that is why we seek to be a fly on the wall, to find our perfect music or what we imagine it to be.  I know that I am being more attentive to the vibrations of what keeps me happy sometimes it is simply being quiet.

            When I was in the bathtub this morning, I had a funny thought as I yelled for my husband for what I imagined to be a spider in the water.  Without my glasses, I really could not tell what it might be so I was yelling for my husband to come and dip the spider out of the tub for me.  It was a fuzzy, a toe fuzzy.  But here is the thought as I was thinking about being a fly on the wall. As the fly, I envisioned myself dashing into the water to get the spider out of the tub.  Okay, stop right there and think about just why this scenario would not work.  Fly in water? Fly can’t swim.  Fly will drown.  Plus, generally spiders kill and eat flies.  Unless, the fly is a mutant which leads us to a soon to be released show called Night and Day of the Fly.  

But as I was waiting for my husband to come and rescue me from the imagined spider, I realize how silly I was being for here I was a grown woman sitting in a tub of hot water waiting for her man to come fish the spider out of the tub.  I could have simply gotten out of the tub to fetch something to get the supposed spider out of the tub which incidentally was not moving but rather drifting aimlessly close to my anxious feet and toes.   It was definitely not a real threat here, right? So why, did I cry out to my husband to come and check out whatever was in the tub? Laziness, I suppose, after most of my body was still covered by the warm water and getting out and drying off to enable me to wander about the chilly house without clothes just did not seem to be worthwhile when a husband is at hand.  We are after all a partnership which includes the small things as well as the big things. 

I really don’t have a wish to be a fly on any wall.  I am afraid that I just might miss out what is really happening in my own life but just sometimes being a fly on the wall is just what we need to do to make ourselves stop and listen to the beating of our own heart.