Waking up to Santa

Waking up to Santa

            You know how you can get struck by a moment. You walk around a corner and there you are being walloped by an unexpected awareness of something that was lurking before you but you were blissfully unaware of its beauty, change or of the memories that suddenly jump to the surface of your mind.

                I had that moment a week ago when my husband and I were getting ready to go to the valley to have the Honda’s oil changed.  The light was just right, the angle and tilt of his head as he stood in the kitchen fixing his cereal caused me to exclaim in my mind, it is Santa.

                First, an explanation.  My sweet husband is growing out his beard for a play that he will be performing in this coming fall.  It has been a long time since he has had a beard.  Usually, it is quite red as all the men in his family have red beards even though their hair on the top of their heads is more of a sandy blonde or light brown.  Well, it has been a long time and now the red has faded away and is being replaced by white or grey. He is still quite handsome as far as I am concerned and as for him looking more like Santa, just perhaps there will be more presents under my Christmas tree this year.  It is something to think about even though it is only August.

                It does remind me that we are both fading away in some respects.  Certainly, I have developed an awareness of my growing limitations while hauling out my bathwater to the roses, shrubs and little tree. I ache more, I go more slowly carrying the water through the yard alongside of our house to the waiting plants.  I don’t worry about a misstep on the grass but it hovers in the back of my mind along with all of the other worries either real or imagined.  At any rate, I move slowly, making sure each step is a firm placement on the earth.

                I am reminded by what an old woman told me in a moment of lucidity from the depths of her dementia and I quote somewhat hazily.  She said that she did not know what was worse, losing your mind or your body.  As for her mind, in her moments of not asking the same question over and over again, she was aware and was deeply bothered by it until she wandered away, lost without thoughts about who she was, who I was and where she was. 

                As both my husband and I continue to age, we can only hope that we keep what we got, make it to the next day remembering that we have had a great life, a great love and as for waking up to Santa, I still can’t wait until Christmas.